I’m not ready...

It’s okay to not be okay. This week was an emotional roller coaster for several big reasons. Four years ago, I was holding Madison in the transplant unit trusting God’s will for her life, one year ago; burying my grandma, counselor, and friend, six days ago praying over my dad that his heart would be strong enough to make it to Springfield and God’s light to shine bright in all, and three days ago bringing some of my childhood things home from grandma’s basement.

Now what? If a masters in counseling has taught me one thing “it’s love yourself enough to extend grace to yourself.” Often we set goals and unrealistic expectations for ourselves & it’s okay to say, “I’m not ready!” Coming from a person who takes pride in finishing projects early, tasks before they’ve been assigned, and being a few steps ahead... I’m giving myself grace to say I’m not ready.

Losing grandma has been hard and painful. Regardless of the amazing 84 years she had on this earth we miss her. We miss her hugs, greetings at the door, presence, how she put peanut butter on our toast, and always knew what to say or facial expression to share when life was scary, disappointing, or joyful.

​I’m not ready for her things to be moved or the house to be rearranged. Regardless of how silly that may sound; grandma spent most of her life in that home... making sure it was welcoming and ready for the next person who walked in the door.

The reality is regardless of what I am ready for change will come. For today I will spend time getting myself ready for that change.

In what area of your life do you need to extend grace to yourself?