It’s okay to not be okay. This week was an emotional roller coaster for several big reasons. Four years ago, I was holding Madison in the transplant unit trusting God’s will for her life, one year ago; burying my grandma, counselor, and friend, six days ago praying over my dad that his heart would be strong enough to make it to Springfield and God’s light to shine bright in all, and three days ago bringing some of my childhood things home from grandma’s basement.
Now what? If a masters in counseling has taught me one thing “it’s love yourself enough to extend grace to yourself.” Often we set goals and unrealistic expectations for ourselves & it’s okay to say, “I’m not ready!” Coming from a person who takes pride in finishing projects early, tasks before they’ve been assigned, and being a few steps ahead... I’m giving myself grace to say I’m not ready.
Losing grandma has been hard and painful. Regardless of the amazing 84 years she had on this earth we miss her. We miss her hugs, greetings at the door, presence, how she put peanut butter on our toast, and always knew what to say or facial expression to share when life was scary, disappointing, or joyful.
I’m not ready for her things to be moved or the house to be rearranged. Regardless of how silly that may sound; grandma spent most of her life in that home... making sure it was welcoming and ready for the next person who walked in the door.
The reality is regardless of what I am ready for change will come. For today I will spend time getting myself ready for that change.
In what area of your life do you need to extend grace to yourself?
One blink and a 60 hour masters program is completed. The last two years was filled with papers, presentations, growing pains, and reflections.
This weekend isn’t just an accomplishment for me, but for Ryan and the kids. Ryan has guided and supported our family while I answered God’s call. Maintaining the house, a job, dinners, bed time... you name it he has done it.
The kids have been pushed out of their comfort zones and been flexible with new routines and schedules with every passing semester. Learning that “homework” means spending hours at home studying.
Thank you to all the family and friends who supported us on the journey! We are excited to see how God will use this accomplishment.
2018 is coming to an end, and many reflections, praises, and blessings come to mind. Change has been a key word for 2018. We have continued to grasp on God’s grace and timing.
So often in life we don’t do things because there hard, or it hurts, or the fear is overwhelming. Pop wasn’t too fond of putting up the Christmas tree, but with some love and elves he gave in.
Little notes all over the Christmas decor, ornaments neatly wrapped in tissue paper from the 50s then carefully placed in a sandwich baggie. Great Gran even placed a little note on the Christmas bulbs.... a reminder to check the lights before wrapping them around the tree.
Great Gran always speaks love into my life and tonight was no different. “Test bulbs!” Before going out into the world or about your day “test your bulb!” Are you shining bright?
We are having a door decorating contest at school. Last week I finished my door and a large bulletin board... Guess the theme? “Let your light shine” Each student decorated their own light bulb and I filled my door and bulletin board with them.
The “test bulbs” was a reminder that the best parts of Great Gran are inside of me, my brothers, cousins, parents, aunts, uncles, and Pop!
Great Gran loved Christmas lights and this time of year. May we all shine bright for the Lord today and each day we are on this earth!
Thank you Lord for allowing us to feel my Grandma’s presence tonight. We felt her in the little notes, in the receipt she neatly placed in the bag with the new lights she bought three years ago (apparently she didn’t know of the Walmart return policy), Pops stories about how decorating the tree took Great Gran 6+ hours, and how Great Gran loved to give Pop sugar once the tree lights were on.... There were more stories, but in all of them Pop shared the love they have for one another is still very much alive today!
For 67 years they physically put up the Christmas tree together and today they did in love, spirit, and memories.
I had one of the hardest conversations with someone I love last week. The honesty that poured from their mouth has left me in prayer, on my knees, and regardless of how hard to hear... thankful.
We all need people in our lives that love us so much they have the “guts” to say the hard things. To speak truth, meet us where we are, and guide us to our knees. With a heavy heart; I post for the one that needs reminded of how much God loves you!
Reflections from my time in the word and with God this past week:
-Relationships with humans are complicated... you will be misunderstood, mistreated, hurt, and challenged, but God has placed every single himan in your life to teach you something! Love them and know some lessons in life are easier/harder than others!
-God may call you to arrive early and stay late... discerning the difference between God’s voice and selfish ambition is the key.
-Only God knows your purpose and when unsure of that purpose go to him!
-Follow God’s guidance and know sometimes you will say “no” to the demands and requests of others....