Day 135: God's hands and feet

“How do I help?” I have heard this question several times and truthfully if I had a loved one going through something similar I would ask the same question. Having a child with immunosuppression or immunodeficiency makes some ways people are used to helping impossible. For example, no buying them flowers, making them dinner, coming over to visit (especially during flu season), etc. See what I mean “How do I help?” Since I’ve been in this season God has given us not only people who want to help, but also families that are in our current situation. Here is a quick list I have come up with to answer that “How do/can I help?” I pray this helps all the families that are in similar situations as ours.

1. We are embarking on the holiday season where immunosuppressed kiddos can’t be around big groups of people (even family). This is difficult on everyone! First, realize that the immunosuppressed child and their parents didn’t choose this. They want to be at the holiday gathering, but they CAN’T. How do you help? Be understanding, offer to buy them groceries for their holiday meal, prep a side dish for them (they would have to cook/bake it), call/text the day of the holiday (simple way to let them know you miss them), and again be understanding! If they could be there they would. Having a child with immunosuppression that is exposed to a virus could result in weeks in the hospital to even death. Trust the parents are doing the best they can do in their situation. From experience it is hard on everyone.
2. Be understanding without understanding. Trust me you don’t want to know everything. Immunosuppressed parent’s brains hurt most of the time. The medicine list, therapies, procedures, clinic visits, etc. you don’t have to understand to be understanding. This season is very difficult regardless of what is or isn’t said.
3. Be There. No, you probably won’t be able to be there physically, but be there. Send a message, card, call when you can just to let the family know you are there. Honestly, you may never get a message, card, or call back, but trust me those messages come at the best time. See several hours out of the day parent’s with sick kids are administering meds, at a doctor’s appointments, in the hospital, or simply trying to survive the day. One little message goes a long way. If you are asked to “be there” it is because you are needed.
4. With the holidays so many people want to buy something to help out. Truthfully, with immunosuppressed kids wrapping paper is not even a good idea. Yes, ask the family if they need anything purchased, but one need I see over and over is day to day expenses. Offer to pay an electric bill, mortgage payment, medical bill, give a gas card, or buy groceries.  Those bills/expenses are what is dragging parent’s down.  Homes of kids with disabilities are packed with medical equipment, therapy equipment, and just items the kiddos need put your money where the need is.
5. FIND A NEED AND FILL IT…I have said this for years after a missions trip to Kenya. If you know of a need JUST DO IT! Every family we have met has a different dynamic. If you know of a need work to fill it. Trust me they aren’t too proud to ask for help they simply don’t have time to ask. I know I’m still trying to wrap my brain around that, but it’s true and I pray you never have to understand.
6. PRAY! The days are long and the nights are short for parents with sick kids. They need strength, love, compassion, and understanding that God can only give.